ECL Coaching Blog

If you manage or supervise others, both in the home as well as in the work environment, you may find the information in this blog useful.

Staff can often seem to let you down, behave in ways that appear to be inefficient, conflictual or disinterested and this is only an additional and unnecessary burden on top of all the other issues you face at work.

Although it is easy to point a finger and blame a particular staff member, it is also a good idea to look at where you can take responsibility for how your staff behave and help to bring about changes.

The 5 tips below have been used repeatedly by management in organisations when working with their staff; following implementation, the feedback I’ve received has always been positive and inspiring.

1. Be consistent - if your behaviour is erratic and unreliable then your staff will find it hard to take you seriously. When we demand or expect consistent, reliable, responsible behaviour from people who work for us, we need to set the example. Otherwise it creates feelings of resentment and reactive behaviour which is not conducive to a positive, efficient, working environment.

2. Follow through - if you say you’re going to do something, DO IT! The biggest repetitive area this crops up in is PDRs (Professional/Performance Development Reviews). So many times the staff member finds the appointment for their PDR is put off for weeks at a time. Again, feelings of resentment and not being valued are typically reported when this happens.

3. Show respect - if you behave in a way that is respectful to people around you, including those who work for you, you’ll find that they will behave similarly back to you. It is human nature to mimick behaviour and we tend to respond to others in a way that reflects how they are to us.

4. Listen to them - listening is a totally free and easy tool to show someone respect and interest. You may not agree with or act on what they say, that’s OK. What IS very important is the act of paying attention, listening without interruption, without being distracted, and responding appropriately. People feel valued when they are listened to.

5. Recognise and acknowledge their thoughts, opinions and visions - this is the natural follow-on from the tip to listen to them. By giving them the time and opportunity to voice their thoughts, opinions and vision they feel respected, acknowledged and worthy. And you never know, sometimes your staff member may come up with a fantastic concept that is of huge value to your team, department or the whole organisation.

In conclusion, we are emotional beings and we respond positively when treated well and we react negatively when we feel devalued.

Knowing this you can apply any or all of the 5 tips above and you will find that your staff respond to you better than ever before. Be a true leader and you will see that those who work for you have more to give than you ever imagined.

All the best,

Natalie

Hani Al-Qasem and
Natalie Dee
co-authors of
Self-Confidence Building in 7 Steps

If you want to have the self-confidence to lead a more fulfilling life, be sure to read the tell-all guide
Self-Confidence Building in 7 Steps to rocket your self-confidence and self-esteem to achieve all that you want.

Year after year we sit down with our special New Year notebooks, a bunch of coloured pens, and we start our list of resolutions, which seem to be surprisingly familiar. 

We’ve definitely seen this list before; was it last year, or maybe the year before?  Most likely it’s a variation on the same list we’ve been writing for years and years.

Ouch! 

This year, I’m going to make two very small and very simple recommendations, which will make a huge difference to the New Year’s Resolution business, which so far, seems to have got you nowhere!

1.  Keep it simple; most people find that their list of things they want to achieve is really very long, sometimes even many pages of how they want it be and what they want to do.  There’s so much there it’s quite overwhelming just to imagine it!!  Can you imagine how your brain feels when it sees this really long list?  My guess is your brain does a double-take and says “Oh no, not again!!” and shuts the ‘creative achievement’ door.  Do you blame it?!

This year, from the very start, it’s all going to be so much more fun!  This year you’ll guarantee success by setting yourself only three resolutions.  And, this is the most important part of this tip, two of the three have to be easy to achieve. 

There’s two very good reasons for this.  

Firstly, it’s no longer overwhelming, it looks and feels smaller, simpler and easier, so your brain (the subconscious or ‘creative achievement’ part) will be open and excited about doing this. 
Secondly, when you’ve achieved the two easy ones, you’ll feel so good about yourself, you’ll see yourself as an achiever, you’ll have the experience of success, and this will give you the fuel and motivation to achieve the third resolution.

And, the bonus is that next year, you’ll definitely not have those resolutions repeating themselves on your list!

2.  Set an intention.  Forget about lists, they’re dull and lifeless and no wonder your unconscious mind switches off when you make them year after year!  No, this year, you’ll do something more imaginative, more colourful and more enticing by far; whatever you want to achieve, whatever your resolutions are (remember, only three!) this year you will set them as intentions.

Here are some examples to make it even clearer:

• My intention is to make a serious career change;
• My intention is to meet someone wonderful;
• My intention is to become fitter and maintain a new and regular routine.

Alongside each of these, write a small paragraph describing exactly what you mean when you say ‘a serious career change’ or ‘meet someone wonderful’ or ‘become fitter’.  This part is where you can be colourful and creative with your language, so that you can see it, feel it and hear it, as if you were already living the resolution, as if it was already happening, already achieved.  

The reason this works is that we tend to focus on what we don’t want in life (When someone says to you “What would you like to eat?” do you find yourself saying “Well, I don’t want the chicken, and I don’t want the mash…”)  By setting intentions you are doing exactly the opposite, you’re focusing, committing and consciously thinking about what you are going to actually make happen in your life.

Remember, with two simple and easy tips, and only three do-able and achievable resolutions, you’re on your way to huge success in 2009!!

And when you’re ready to go further, I suggest you seek out a coach of your own, who’ll work with you and support you with whatever you want to make happen.  You’re also welcome to contact me anytime.

Wishing you an exciting, healthy and prosperous 2009!!

All the best,

Natalie

Hani Al-Qasem and
Natalie Dee
co-authors of
Self-Confidence Building in 7 Steps

If you want to have the self-confidence to lead a more fulfilling life, be sure to read the tell-all guide
Self-Confidence Building in 7 Steps to rocket your self-confidence and self-esteem to achieve all that you want.

I just happened to read this whilst on a train the other day; it got me thinking how many of my clients say they can’t plan today, yet alone tomorrow or the future. When I ask them why, the response is usually, “I can’t get what I want anyway, so I might as well live each day as it is.”

That response comes from a lack of self-confidence. Many people don’t have the self-confidence to make something of their future.

“…and the first thing I should do is stop saying ‘I can’t’ and be confident enough to go for what I want!” Most of my clients interrupt as they remember previous sessions.

Yes, that is so. Let me tell you, self-confidence is one of the greatest worldly goods that you should strive to possess. In some ways, it is, without doubt, the most important skill you can develop.

You see, with confidence, many more things become within your reach. On the other hand, without confidence, even the smallest of challenges seem overwhelming, if not impossible to achieve.

Let me ask you this: how many times have you ‘surprised’ yourself and did things you didn’t think you could do? Probably many, right?

Yet you forget those powerful, confident times and you only seem to remember the unconfident events. In doing so you perceive life as big and scary and you see yourself as weak and fragile.

That’s just an illusion that you have created. The truth is you are bigger than any obstacle or challenge.

How many times have you looked back on a situation and realised that in your mind you made it be bigger than it really was?

Do you see what I mean?

Let me finish off by saying this. You have a certain amount of self-confidence already within you. The trick, though, is to use any challenge that you come across to help you grow and expand on that self-confidence.

Are you willing to greet all challenges as steps that get you closer to the future that you want?

Hani Al-Qasem and Natalie Dee are the co-authors of the e-book “Self-Confidence Building in 7 Steps.”

Do you want to learn how to have self-confidence to lead a more fulfilling life? Be sure to read the FREE sample of the e-book Self-Confidence Building in 7 Steps and achieve all that you want.

“Oh my word, I have been lumbered with making a Health and Safety presentation to my department. I’ve never done this before, and I can’t get out of it. Help!” Elaine said anxiously as she took off her coat, brushing past me.

Elaine’s like that.

So not wasting time, I asked her, “How would you rate your self-confidence, where 1 is totally confident and 10 is whoa, no confidence at all.”

I think you guessed it; she went for a full 10. No surprises there.

In her anxiety, Elaine had forgotten a particular technique that I taught her a few sessions ago, that she can use at will to raise her self-confidence level, and allow her to make a fantastic presentation.

We went over it again: divide a paper into two columns; in the left column jot down why she feels unconfident about the event. In the other column, write down the first thought that comes to her mind as to how she would like to feel for each reason she felt uneasy.

I watched as her mind started ticking over, searching for the rest of the technique. So I continued, “As far in advance of the presentation as possible, pick one obstacle with its counter feeling…”

“Oh, yeah, and find a quiet place where I will not be disturbed for approximately five minutes,” Eileen interrupted. “I remember now. The idea is for me to imagine how I would like to act and feel when making the presentation. I am to imagine me feeling calm and confident, right?”

Correct.

“Continue to work down your entire list. Imagine being confident. As the presentation gets closer, you will feel yourself becoming more confident.”

“And on the day of the event, I fly through it with complete assurance and confidence. I remember it now. I don’t know what I was so nervous about. Silly me!” she finished.

Let me just throw in this bit: it’s important to remember that repetition is the mother of all skill. When you use your imagination to tackle any area where you feel you lack self-confidence, use this method as often as possible, preferably twice daily, until you achieve the results you want.

How much do you value yourself to spend 5 minutes twice a day imagining your own success?

Oh, by the way. I called Elaine to check how she did. And wouldn’t you know it: “I blew them away!” was her response.

Hani Al-Qasem and Natalie Dee are the co-authors of the e-book “Self-Confidence Building in 7 Steps.”

Do you want to learn how to have self-confidence to lead a more fulfilling life? Be sure to read the FREE sample of the e-book Self-Confidence Building in 7 Steps and achieve all that you want.

Many of my clients often ask me this question: Were rich and successful people born with self-confidence, or did they have to also work at it?

In other words, were they born with self-assurance, poise and courage, or did they obtain it through repeated practise and determination?

Although we can’t generalise, I tend to find that they became confident by being students of self-confidence; they were exposed to it more than some of us.

Often people who are rich have had role models of confident, ambitious, motivated people in their lives from very early on. And, if they didn’t have it from home, they were drawn to people who were confident from an early age, and mimicked them.

We all mimic people, especially when we’re very young, it’s a human survival mechanism. The more professional term is called finding a ‘role-model’.

These people would also read and listen to anything they could get their hands on relating to self-confidence, motivation, performance, achieving, succeeding and lots more.

The great news here is that you, too, can learn to become totally confident. You can become confident in any area you choose to work on, so long as you have the tools and knowledge at your hands.

You can learn to have and become confident in much the same way that you learned how to drive a car, how to cook, how to sing, how to be good at your job, how to use the computer.

For you to gain self-confidence, start off by believing in yourself, that you can become confident to succeed in anything that you put your mind to. It’s a well known fact that if one person can do it anyone can.

Strengthen your inner self and get your thoughts to gradually gain momentum by making a list of what you would be able to do, have and become once you acquire the confidence that you desire.

Once you have that list, the next step is for you to believe that you can become that confident person, and walk around with the thought and attitude of, “I choose to be confident and my confidence is increasing every day.”

If you wanted to step up and become the confident person you have always wanted to become, would you repeat a certain, powerful phrase or statement to yourself as often as possible?

If your answer is yes, go ahead, right now, repeat this statement 5 – 10 times, preferably out loud:

“I choose to be confident and my confidence is increasing every day.”

Well done!

Hani Al-Qasem and Natalie Dee are the co-authors of the e-book “Self-Confidence Building in 7 Steps.”

Do you want to learn how to have self-confidence to lead a more fulfilling life? Be sure to read the FREE sample of the e-book Self-Confidence Building in 7 Steps and achieve all that you want.