Shape and Develop Your Child’s Self-Esteem
A client phoned me to enquire if I coach children. I did not answer the question directly, and asked what she was concerned about. It turned out that she was worried about her child’s self-esteem, saying that she felt her six year old daughter should play more often with her friends instead of staying at home and playing alone.
After having carefully listened to the mother’s tonality and the way she expressed her thoughts I explained to her that she, the mother, can raise her daughter’s self-esteem and doesn’t really need my help if she adopted different methods of discipline.
I went on to explain that self-esteem is a compilation of beliefs of how the child feels about herself.
Her daughter and her daughter’s behaviour are two completely separate things. Parents find this hard to remember, especially when the child is acting in ways that frustrate or anger them.
It is imperative that parents discipline their children for their behaviour and not discipline the children themselves.
In other words, say something like, “I don’t like the way you mess up my make-up.” This way you address the child’s behaviour which will not affect their self-esteem.
What will invariably affect their self-esteem is when you sabotage them with statements such as, “You are such a messy good-for-nothing child.”
See the difference?
By the way, the same can be said for adults. They too can be affected by being repetitively fed statements such as, “Hurry up with that report. You should’ve finished it ages ago.”
Do you influence and foster positive self-esteem to those you communicate with?
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.